Why I shaved my head: a retrospective

Author's note: I shaved my head rather spontaneously and somewhat arbitrarily on November 4, 2006. The aftermath was hilarious, stressful, bothersome, amusing, transformative and painful in turn. My mother ended up loving is, as did most people. I got tons of compliments on my nicely shaped head, how it brought out my eyes, how people wished they could do it but were afraid it would look bad. The problems arose at school when my boss began passive aggressively singling me out and sabotaging my already very difficult first year of teaching. But, to make a long story short, I prevailed and am still employed at the same school. My hair is now several inches long and growing. I plan to grow it out as long as I can for a few years and then shave it off all over again.

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"Why? WHY?" "Por que?" The question already asked dozens of times and to be invoked hundreds more, to be sure.

Oh so many reasons, real and invented, realized and subconscious.

First and foremost, I was trimming my bangs on Saturday night around midnight and it got a little out of hand. They were looking bad. So I went out on the back porch with the scissors and commenced to chop. My chin length brown locks are still lying on the grass out there. I had been wanting to cut my hair for a while, but was waiting to lose weight, or whatever. My roommate drove up the gravel drive at 1:30 a.m. to see me, through the window, bounce off the couch. I was thinking, 'Shit! I am not ready for anyone to see this!' But she did and she loved it, even in the uneven, hack-job state that it was. Supercuts did the rest Sunday afternoon. $13.50 + tip. Not bad.

What else? Liberation, boldness, change, transition, femininity, masculinity, shock. Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity. It's fierce, beautiful, ugly, extreme, crazy, easy, cold, spiky. Spontanaeity ruled the hour.

Also, [fake reason]: my boyfriend is losing his hair and shaved his head, so I wanted to match him. Tommy, my gay boyfriend, that is.

Additionally, it's marks the beginning of my head-first (ha!) dive into kundalini yoga. It's this whole other branch of yoga, quite different from the hatha that I've been practicing for 13 years, since age 13. It involves loads more overt chanting, breathing, meditation and stuff. The teachers wear all white, and usually white turbans. I always thought it was too "out there," but suddenly, I am really drawn to it, and so I am taking a beginners' class series at Yoga Yoga which started today. It's so awesome to be a beginner again. I love it.

My students flipped out over my haircut, of course. I wore a white winter hat into the whole-school assembly this morning in the cafeteria so no one would see. Once in the portable, I dramatically removed the cap. A moment of shocked silence, followed by, "OH MY GOD, Miss Fajkus! Miss Fajkus, Oh my God!" Favorite replies: "I think you look beautiful." "How did you kill the other Miss Fajkus?" "It doesn't matter what you look like, it's what's on the inside that counts."

Most people like it, or are getting used to it, or will get over it. But the true test will come this weekend when I see the one, the only... my mother.

yoga freedom. feel free. (c) 2007. All rights reserved worldwide.